It’s absolutely draining what I am doing to myself.

The hours of pain, Of conflict. Of self loathing

Why can’t I win the war.

I have fought so many battles after all.

Who does this affect? It’s not just me,

The people I love. My friends. My family.

The lies I force myself to tell.

To hide the truth and pretend all is well.

Face to face, I hide it.

Behind my humour and my wit.

I knew I’d be scared about coming back.

Falling in to the same old trap.

And, here I am back where I was.

Feeling just as alone and, just as lost.