This One Is For You by Laura Nation
This one is for you.
For every day you owned and for every command I obeyed.
For the shadow of your spectre gripping me so tight, I was forced to believe your callous fictions.
For the lies… the only food you allowed me.
For your constant screaming. In private, in public, and in sleep.
For taking every inch of my being… voice, strength and more, and leaving me with a hollow shell, a sharp edged skeleton.
For turning my young body into the ruins of a decaying ancient building.
For all the times you watched me from above hysterical, growing fat of my flesh.
For taking what was mine.
This one is for you.
For inviting me into your world…I hated every second.
For the life you claimed from behind my eyes… I’m claiming it back.
For the friends you said I didn’t need, the ones you said weren’t friends. We are laughing at you right now.
For the cries of help you silenced.
For how angry you would get, and how anxious you made me feel.
For taking my womanhood and making me a child again.
For wrongly telling me that the rules of happiness manifested within appearance.
For the whispers you provided when I looked in your mirrors.
For making me believe that I should be eternally wrong, ugly and sorry.
This is to let you know…
That for what it is worth you can have your identity back.
To let you know how good it felt the day I realised the power to fight was in me.
To let you know that the white light that is now blinding you coal filled eyes from afar, is me, my family and my friends.
To let you know that I ate breakfast today and I enjoyed it.
To let you know that everyday is a struggle, but I will never give up.
This is to show you…
That I am not the brittle one you last saw. In fact you may hardly recognise me.
To show you that my body is changing and however hard it may be to adjust, being healthy is incredible.
To show you my posture right now as I look down upon you with my head held high.
So this is to tell you… that I never want to hear your voice again.
To tell you, that you are not welcome, in fact, you never were.
To tell you and everyone, that I am beginning to like myself inside and out.
To tell you that your company is not required at the meal I enjoy with my loved ones tomorrow.
To tell you that I am winning.
This is to warn you… that now I am stronger I will do everything in my power to stop you intruding upon all the beautiful bodies and souls of the victims you next seek.
This moment is for you…
For you to hear me when I say that the only thing that was ever ugly about me was you.
Laura’s monologue will be performed at the premier of Body Gossip, a new show by Ruth Rogers, celebrating positive body image. Fifteen celebrities will read fifteen monologues written by members of the public to celebrate real bodies and real people. See the Body Gossip website for more info.
Thanks to Ruth and Laura for giving permission for This One Is For You to be reproduced here.